You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
