haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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