she was so not down for the gang bang
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
