I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
