You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize