Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
