so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
