I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
