is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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