tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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