You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
