Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
