I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
