I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
