my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
