I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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