Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
