I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
