from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
