I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
