I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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