you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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