I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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