Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
