Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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