What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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