Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
