I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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