I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
