i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
