Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
