i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
