Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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