Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
