Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
