What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
