I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
