Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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