Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
