It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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