Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
