I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
