you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
