There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the condom got lost in my hair
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
