You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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