I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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