He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
