Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
