i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
