can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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