so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
