How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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