I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize