the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will die if light touches me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
