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I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
