she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
