I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
