Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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