You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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