what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
