shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
