looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I could fuck to npr.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
