so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
