You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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