I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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