Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
