erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The best revenge is premature balding
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
