ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
