The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
